Odessa Street

We did it!

Two weekends ago, Jeff and I got married in lovely Cannon Beach. The wedding was so much fun, and not at all stressful or scary. It was exactly what I had hoped for, and I am so glad that everyone seemed to have a good time.

Jeff's family all came out, and I met his sisters for the first time. They are all so fantastic and fun in their own ways. The only bummer was that Jeff was not feeling great much of the weekend - just coughing and achy. Other than that, I wouldn't have changed a thing about our wedding! I feel fortunate to have been a happy, relaxed, giggling, and delighted bride. I know lots of ladies who were miserable from stress and exhaustion by the time their wedding day came, so I am happy we went the mellow route. Much more our speed... :)

Everyone got in on Friday. After making their way to the beach and getting settled, we all (except Jay and Gail, who hit traffic) had pizza together in the upstairs of a restaurant. The weather in Cannon Beach is usually cool, but that night it was exceptionally warm. Afterwards, we all decided to have a bonfire on the beach. I was so impressed by Jeff's family who had spent the whole day traveling -- they still made it out onto the beach with children in tow! Amazingly, that night there were shooting stars; we spent some time joking about how Jeff got them for me from the half-off bin at Target.

After about an hour on the beach, a crazed man and his children ran over to let us know that there were bioluminescent plankton in the tide pools. He was so excited that he didn't notice that he actually knew us: he had been our waiter at the pizza place! Thank you, Matthew, for telling us about the plankton -- it was so. freakin. COOL! I had never seen that before and it was the neatest thing to run out into the water with your feet glowing beneath you. It made the night all that much more magical, and it just further reinforced that we had chosen a great time/location to get married.

Saturday, wedding day, we all wandered out to the beach for a few hours in the morning to fly kites in the fog. The kids had a great time and the photos are awesome. Everyone just relaxed and enjoyed one another's company; it was exactly as I had hoped it would be. After naps, we got ready for the ceremony. Carrie, Jeff's sister, did my hair while Kari, my sister, took photos. Yes, that's right: two older sisters named Carrie/Kari. We drank champagne and chatted -- it was so fun just gabbing with those ladies.

The actual ceremony was just fantastic. My brother officiated while the kids played in the sand. Half the people were barefoot. Marlene, Jeff's sister, decided to make an aisle for me out of rocks, which was just adorable. Jeff's dad played "Tender Loving Care" on the banjo, and then all the kids sang/played "You Are My Sunshine" on the little recorders and harmonicas we had brought along for them. The cuteness overload was killing me. I was laughing and smiling almost the entire time (except when the bee found its way into my scarf mid-ceremony). Jeff and I decided to do a sand ceremony with Mateo so that he could be a part of it. Eleanor and Howie joined in, too, throwing a little bit of Cannon Beach into the mix after the ceremony was over. Hilarious.

Afterwards, we all went to dinner and had a nice, laid-back meal. The kids got amped up on sugar and much excitement ensued thanks to Jay. Marlene proclaimed Jay the favorite uncle after his calisthenics in the restaurant courtyard. I was pretty tired by that point, but just so happy. It was such a wonderful weekend. I thank and credit my parents for making it such a success (we were originally hoping to get married at city hall, with only our witnesses present...). They did 99% of the planning and were so giving. I can't thank them enough for being flexible enough to do the wedding as we had wanted it, and for being such wonderful parents in general.

Here are the three sets of fantastic pictures taken by Kari. I am so grateful to her for all the time and effort she put into these.

Set 1: Friday night dinner and bonfire

Set 2: Morning before the ceremony

Set 3: Wedding ceremony

Set 4: Post-ceremony dinner

I completely forgot to mention that I purchased the .com version of odessastreet. How thrilling is that? I think it used to belong to some questionable website that had a lot of scantily-clad women featured on its pages, but now it's MINE! All mine! So anyway, you can get here using both the .net and the .com URL, and the geek in me thinks that's fantastic.

OK!

Very busy around these parts at the moment. For some reason, I decided to take an intensive biology class this summer, which means that I am being held hostage to plant anatomy and reproductive cycles. So I basically think about gametophytes five hours a day at the moment, when the reality is that we are getting married in six days and I'd rather think about that. Watch me just blurt out "Alternation of generations!!!" during the ceremony, instead of the more traditional wedding vows. I wouldn't put it past me at this point.

Anyhow, every day this week is booked with appointments during any out-of-class time I have, and somewhere in there I would like to clean the house before the in-laws show up. I've also got an exam and a final to take, as well as two papers to write. It will be pretty amusing this Friday when I take my ASL final, which consists of a presentation in front of the class about our family and any life-changing events. I wonder if anybody will be paying attention when I say, "Tomorrow is our wedding..."

So that was interesting, as I thought it would be. Completely exhausting. If we don't see another train for weeks, I'd be delighted. We spent all of our time plotting routes, running for trains, waiting for buses, driving in cars, or sitting in traffic. Not to sound like a spoiled brat, but I need a vacation from our vacation. It is so very very difficult to pack so much movement into ten days with a three-year-old in tow.

There was also a huge emotional component to the trip that I can't quite wrap my head around yet. Midway through our travels, I got to meet up briefly with Julie at the train station, after hours of staying up worrying about Teo's dad and what not. She mentioned that she was planning on eventually returning to the U.S., and she added that she feels her identity is no longer tied to France. It was interesting for me to hear her say that because I had spent a good portion of the wee hours dwelling on that exact issue: for years and years, I thought France defined who I was. Then I left, felt completely disoriented, and eventually got over it and established my life in Portland. That leads to the strangest feeling upon returning to the country. I feel both so at home and so estranged in Paris now... The main realization I had is that I don't miss it or want to be there, and in fact see little reason to return for many years. That's fantastic, because it means our family can take vacations to newer, more exciting places.

It's Saturday now, and we have been back almost a week. I am so happy to be home! I think we're finally over the jet lag and life is returning to normal. I went through a minor wave of sadness over the last few days, probably all associated with the drama unfurling with Teo's papa (which I won't get in to here any more than I already have). The weather has been weird and I have just been out of sorts...

But now the sun is out and we have a busy weekend ahead of us. Even more exciting, our wedding is just three solid weeks away! I can't wait. In the meantime, I hope to do some more bike riding, attend my sewing workshop, and work hard in my ASL class. Things are mellowing out, finally, and I am ready to fully enjoy the summer!

We appeared to have made it here in one piece. Miraculously, Mateo recovered from jet lag faster than both of us adults. Right now, it is just shy of five a.m. and both boys are sound asleep. I, however, am wide awake. We rented a studio apartment in Oberkampf that is just freakin' delightful. One whole wall of the place is large, factory-style windows that look over a plant-filled, vine-covered courtyard. It's perfect for us: quiet and quaint and cozy. I'm sitting at the table watching the sun come up while the boys snooze away.

The first adjective that comes to mind regarding Paris this particular trip is HOT. It is just broiling here. I checked the weather and it appears it will let up a bit in the coming days. Thank God for that, because the sticky, stifling heat certainly makes walking around the city less fantastic. That said, it's still beautiful here as always, and the boys and I have had a great time just wandering about semi-aimlessly. Yesterday, we walked from La Bastille to Notre Dame, stopping for a moment to visit the ancient church. Technically not a terribly long walk to adults, but three-year-old legs can't withstand the distance in 96-degree heat, so we swapped turns carrying Mateo. Once we got to the church, Teo seemed more interested in playing with his cars than in admiring the stained glass windows. Oh well.

Here's the thing about Mateo, in case you didn't already know it: he is AWESOME. We have been schlepping him around and making him walk and waking him up and feeding him weird foods... and he's just been good-natured about things. I'm proud of my little world traveler, and tickled to see I am raising a pretty flexible and adaptable little dude.

Yesterday was a huge disappointment for him, however, even though he was completely unaware of it. Through numerous emails, I had discussed with Teo's papa that we were going to be very busy this trip, but that he could have the entire day on Sunday to see that Tates. It was important to me that we maximize our time together, even though this trip is very hectic and busy. Shortly before leaving, I sent him an email asking where and when we should meet. No response. At 8 on Sunday morning, I texted him and said we had made it to Paris, and again asked where we should meet. Still no response.

Fast forward a few hours; we didn't end up hearing from him until 3 pm. He informed me that he would be available at 5 pm. Already, I was shocked at the fact that he hadn't set aside the entire day for our visit, because it's not like we're always in Paris. Through our emails, I thought it had been clear that we were going to spend all of Sunday together. So that was unsettling.

At 4:30, I sent him a note letting him know we were headed to the Jardin des Tuileries for a walk, and that he could meet us there. For some reason, Papa read that as the Jardin du Luxembourg. Each of us spent more than an hour wandering the grounds of separate gardens, only to return home without having met up. Of course, he hadn't brought his cell phone (still not sure why), so my call and texts went unanswered until 7 pm. In the end, he never saw his son. We finally touched base in a very pricey and very frustrating phone conversation, where he suggested we meet him on Tuesday during his lunch break.

His LUNCH BREAK. I was furious. We fly all the way around the world and his solution is for us to meet him on his lunch break? I told him that clearly we were not a priority for him. In my mind, Teo was going to meet his little brother (oh yes, he has one... a story for another day... he is just over a year younger than Teo). Papa was going to spend several hours with him. Grandma might even join in. And instead we get a lunch break? Could he be serious?

What an asshole. Through tears, I told him that the whole thing made me think that maybe it would be better if he just never saw Teo again. He's already hardly present in Mateo's life at all, it might be easier to explain to Mateo a ghost than to get his hopes up that his father might actually participate. How could he not understand that brushing us off is not something to be taken lightly?

He assured me that wasn't the case, that of course seeing T is important to him. I called bullshit on that, as his actions suggest otherwise. When I asked him what he was doing all day, why he didn't respond to me at 8 or 9 am to try to meet up with us, he said, "Well, I worked late last night so I slept in until 11, and then I was doing some stuff on the computer, and so I wasn't even really available until maybe 3:30 or so." Of course, it was the same story as the last year or two of our relationship, and I feel protective enough of my son to not subject him to that same kind of treatment I experienced. You're telling me you couldn't see your son - the one who is only in town for four days and probably won't be back in the country for years - because you were on the computer? WTF?

At any rate, TBD on whether we're even going to see him at all. There is possibly a two-hour window on Wednesday when Teo can meet his brother. That's it. That's all I really care about at this point. As for his father, he can pretty much go to hell.

So that's enough drama for this little trip, and today is the big day when Kathypath weds her almost-hubs. We're going to be attending the civil ceremony later this afternoon... should be exciting. We've got some other hot spots I'd like to visit so that Jeff can know what life was like for me for awhile, but I think we're going to try to take it down a notch. Up next: visit my old stomping grounds, the university, the bookstore. Coffee dates with a few friends and then an afternoon trip to Belgium to see The Little Guy (who is now 13, so not all that little anymore). Thursday, we head out to Normandy for the second half of the Kathypath Wedding Adventure. That should be a great time, and perhaps a wee bit more relaxing than the Parisian leg of this trip.

So... tomorrow we will board a plane for Paris.

Well, what to say? J, Mateo, and I are on our way to France. This will be an interesting adventure. In many ways, I feel like the current has swept me up and I am suddenly running along with it. How did I get caught up in this? Psychologically, emotionally... I am not totally sure how ready I am for this trip. One of my dearest friends in the entire world is getting married in just over a week, and we are headed to France to celebrate. Were the circumstances different, I think I might have delayed this particular excursion for at least a few more months. However, we can't always control what others plan, and there was no way I was missing seeing Ms. Kathypath walk her way down the aisle.

Still. It will be so interesting to see how this trip unfolds. The last time I was in Paris, it was a cleansing experience for me. I was delighted to see my friends, exhausted by the requirements of managing a toddler in less child-friendly place than Portland, and completely overwhelmed by the business of motherhood while still trying to visit so many people in so few days. More importantly, overall, I recognized that Paris was no longer my home. In fact, it dawned on me that I no longer wanted to live there, and that in fact I missed Portland and all the people I knew and loved there. Going to Paris in 2008 allowed me to finally accept that Portland was where my life was, and that Paris was an important but certainly closed chapter in my life. I firmly believe that J and I would have never started seeing one another if I hadn't first gone through the experience of letting go of France.

Going back now? I don't know. Maybe I will again see the city as just a tourist, maybe not. It is so hard to say. My goals are to let Teo hang out with his papa a bit, help Kathy with this major event, and see any and all people I love in the interim. It's going to be busy, borderline frantic. Most of all, I want J to see my former life and understand why Paris is such an important part of who I am today. I want to see both my boys laugh and frolic together in my favorite city. I want to feel the pulse of Paris and share the love of it with the two most important people in my life.

We are on our way for an interesting couple of days. Wish us luck. Updates to come.

So... November. That was apparently the last time I updated this bad boy. Not awesome, but it is what it is. With all the other outlets we have these days (Facebook, Twitter, etc), one can't keep everything updated unless doing so somehow makes one money.

But lookie lookie! I am making the website not appear as if someone puked on your screen. Ok, I know, so there are still some design details to work out. But at least it's not totally fugly anymore. Celebrate.

More important than the esthetic site changes, however, there is a lot to be said in this update. I am starting afresh. The best move is to lay it all out on the table quickly and efficiently. Here goes:

1. I'm getting married in August. Surprise! J and I have been talking about getting married forever (ok, ok... like ten months), and then we realized we just wanted to go ahead and do it already. That meant choosing a date, and then telling our families, and then developing some sort of game plan. We've now got those bases more or less covered, and the story is that we're going to do a small, family-only ceremony on an Oregon beach. My brother is going to officiate, J's dad is going to play the banjo, my sister is doing the photography, and J's sister is doing my hair. Hooray for talented family members! I can't wait.

2. I got into grad school! This is old news by now but is still a huge, huge deal for me. I have been eyeing the Speech Language Pathology program since maybe 2003 or 2004. Three hundred people applied for thirty spots this year, and I am very humbled by the fact that I was offered one. It also means I made the right choice last fall when I opted to focus on school and quit my job. I would not have been able to apply this year without having taken that blind leap of faith -- it's so reassuring to have the universe tell me I was on the right track.

3. Mateo is the most awesomest kid ever. This morning, we compared how much we love one another by stretching out our arms as far as they could go to demonstrate the quantity of love. A mom can't complain when that happens.

4. We go to France in two weeks. Eeek! Big wedding there and it will be wonderful and hectic all at once. I can't wait to be there with the soon-to-be-husband, and hopefully Mateo will have gotten over his fear of motorcycles by then. They freaked the crap out of him when he was an infant; it made walking around the city sort of painful. I also taught Mateo the very useful French expression "Ca va pas, non?" I hope to see him use it appropriately with a grumpy waiter.

Ok, that was the quick-n-dirty update. I hope to actually go back to blogging. I have a feeling that with the insanity of grad school and the big changes on the horizon, there will be plenty to say. Have all of my readers abandoned the blog? Well, yes, I am sure they have. But I love you all the same. Come back, come back!

I have some friends who occasionally still read this. Thanks for sticking with me, folks! I don't seem to ever have the time/motivation/whatever it is to update, though I think of it often. I love being able to read back on entries from years ago, and would like to do the same for this period in my life.

But so, yes. Been ridiculously busy. Why so busy?

As posted about a month ago, I am back in school. I love it. I mean, love love love love LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE it.

It's a mixture between a calm, rational interest in the topic I'm studying and a psychotic burning need to know more. I have repeatedly left my classes high on knowledge. This is one of my favorite feelings in the world. I am pretty sure my man is sick of me talking about my classes, but my excitement is boiling over and I can't contain it. Have to give him credit though: he listens. Yep, I found me a winner.

Taking these classes has been very difficult, however. I go to class before work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I leave late those nights to attend another class in the evenings. I don't get to see Mateo much at all those days; if I am lucky, I sneak in five or ten minutes before he falls asleep. I miss him enough that I have to call home and talk to him on the phone. They are silly conversations, but I need to hear his little voice tell me about the noodles he is eating.

Plus, I have constant homework, no time to do it. Most of it, I do during nap time on the weekends, or occasionally some time after 9:00 pm on weekdays. Mondays, in particular, I stay up late. J is gone and T is asleep, and I just power through until midnight or so.

My goal was to continue at this rate for the next 1.5 years, finishing the pre-requisites and then applying to the graduate program. I believed that I still had another required class to take next fall, thus pushing my application date out to 2010 at a minimum.

However, I discovered last week that I was wrong. The fall class is not required at all, and, exceptionally, they are offering it during winter quarter this year. Once I learned that, I quickly calculated that if I were to go to classes full-time, I could apply as early as this year.

I talked it over with my little family, and we decided this was the best course of action. So many factors went into consideration, and I won't lay them all out here, but we weighed the pros and cons. I had already been looking for another job because I wasn't particularly thriving in my current one. Knowing I needed to work somewhere flexible enough to let me keep taking classes was becoming a problem. The class schedule for winter quarter has classes primarily in the middle of the day, too, making schedule arranging difficult.

As a result, two Tuesdays ago, we decided I would quit my job and go to school full-time for the next six months. Doing so would allow me to apply this February for grad school. In the highly likely event that I don't get in (acceptance rate: 18%), I could at least take some graduate credits next year, know the faculty better, and have an additional year's worth of coursework for the admissions board to base their decision on. If I get in, great. If not, I will look for work come June and take one graduate class per quarter, if I choose.

This revelation -- the realization that I could do this and it wouldn't mean we would have to starve for the next few months -- that was a great feeling. I have a work from home opportunity lined up, possibly two. Money will be coming in the door, though obviously I will be spending more than I am making. Still, we can afford the six month gap, and it's so so worth it.

I told my boss about my intention to leave our company on Thursday. I had been having some nervousness about it, but he was incredibly supportive. He and I both recognized that my enthusiasm for my job had been slumping, and we knew it was not a career path I intended to stick with forever. Still, he said he would like to keep me on part-time, doing some writing as a contractor. Sounds fantastic to me, as that is the part of my job where I felt I worked best.

HR made the announcement on Friday, even though I will still be there for another month or so. We need to work on finding a replacement, and people needed to know. When everything was said and done, I felt great.

I am really thankful to my current employer for a lot of things. Mainly, I got to get my feet wet in the corporate world and experience a true desk job. I was given a fair amount of autonomy and learned a boat load about marketing and the software business. My coworkers are almost universally cool people; it is a little bittersweet to leave them so suddenly.

However. However, however, however. I am THRILLED with the occasion to finish up these classes. I am excited to be able to manage my own time, to determine when I do my work from home stuff, when I do my school stuff, and when I go to the grocery -- these are luxuries that I cannot wait to experience again.

I am going to take a lot of classes (five). However, the schedule is bearable, I will be able to pick up and drop off Mateo daily, and Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday afternoons are completely free. Yes, I will need to study my ass off, especially since I know "they" will be watching me. But I will be able to do so in a coffee shop, at the library, or at home, if I so choose. This is amazing freedom to me. I might even be able to take yoga again.

So. My job ends the first week of December. The following week is exams. Then I have one week of kid-free open time (hallelujah!), and then it's Christmas and Mateo's school is closed.

And then? Head-first into school.

I can't wait.

It's Sunday morning. T is playing his drums and singing the ABC's. This is a regular gig for him, one he did with much fanfare at the Oregon State Fair a few weeks back. An entire tent of people applauded his performance, while I laughed so hard I cried. I really think this kid has a rock star streak. Look out, Mama.

So much is going on right now that it's hard to keep up. Still, at the end of the day it boils down to the basics: getting T in his jam jams, reading some bedtime stories, putting the little man to bed. He is loud and crazy and difficult at times, but he is a treasure all the same. I am so proud of the boy he is becoming, and sometimes I can't help but wonder where the time has gone.

In other news, I recently made the decision to start going back to school. I love school and honestly don't feel totally well if not pursuing something academic. My last few years of classes were sort of random (linguistics), but now I aim to do something concrete that leads to an actual career path. I am very much blessed in that my employer has agreed to be flexible with me, and we have worked out an arrangement where I will continue to work full-time. Twice per week, I will have class in the morning. The other three mornings, I am required to get in by 7:30. All days of the week, I am to work through lunch, with a hard stop at 5 to get Mr. T.

The timing is intense, but it will cut back to something a little more reasonable in January. School is on a quarter system, so I need to make it through three months of crazy. I know I can do it. I am a little nervous, but it will go fine. I got my textbooks the other day. One class is Neurology, the other is Anatomy and Physiology. The combination means I suddenly have many atlases of the human body in my possession.

A huge part of being able to do this is having someone supporting me in my endeavors. I never realized how little support I received from Teo's dad, both emotionally and just in the daily things. It makes such a difference to have someone who is not only behind me but also excited for me, and who is willing to help out with basics like cooking dinner and taking out the trash. It really is amazing what a difference that makes -- not feeling like you're going into something completely alone.

Anyway, I am both excited and nervous. For now, T and I are going to spend Sunday in the park with a new friend. School starts in a week. Wish me luck.